Jessica's Diary

07/07/10

Morning,
So cold now. Jessica used to hate winter and she was petrified of the thunder storms. She was the best cuddler for the nasty cold winter nights.
Give your dog a big hug from me!

08/06/10

I miss my Jessie. Got her ashes today.
Give your dog a big hug from me.

04/06/10

This is for those who are going through what Jessica and I went through…..

If it be I grow frail and weak,
And pain should wake me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this last battle must be won.

You will be sad I understand,
Don't let your grief then stay your hand,
For this day more than all the rest,
Your love and friendship stand the test.

We've had so many happy years.
What is to come will hold no fears,
You'd not want me to suffer....so,
When the time comes.....please let me go.

Take me where all my needs they'll tend,
But stay with me until the end,
And hold me firm and speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time you too will see,
It is a kindness you do me,
Although my tail its last has waved
From the pain and suffering I've been saved.

Do not grieve that it should be you,
Who must decide this thing to do,
We've been so close - we two these 14 years,
Don't let your heart hold any fears

Give your dog a hug from me.

02/06/10

My drive way looks empty without Jessica.
Give your dog a big hug from me.

27/05/10

When Jessica had her tumor removed at Easter, the tumor was sent for a biopsy and the result was hopeful as the cancer was of the lowest grade. The cancer was not at all aggressive. Jessica couldn't have the major operation to remove all of the cancer as she was too old. I thought I would have at least two more years with Jess.

She was doing great then suddenly on Sunday 23rd of may, she woke up with all these lumps appeared from no where. They made her looked twice as big. That morning when I gave her breakfast and our eyes met and I knew she had had enough.
I took her to the vet the next morning thinking she wouldn't be coming home with me. After her check up, the vet said her time was near but it wasn't that day. He wasn't sure when, a few weeks at the most. I was very confused from this unpredictably cruel disease. We made the appointment to bring her back on the 7th of June. But I knew...it would be sooner.

I took that day off and took Jessica home. I watched her the whole day and was trying to decide on a difficult decision. I thought even though she might had a few weeks left but the pain she was experiencing that afternoon gave me the courage to decide to put her to sleep on Wednesday the 26th of may as I wanted to spend Tuesday with her.

She was almost herself when she had dinner that Monday night and I was again confused of the time when to let her go. Monday night, I slept on the floor with Jessica and her pain she endured throughout the night reassured me that it was her time.

Tuesday 25th, I made the appointment to bring her in on Wed 26th at 9am. She had her breakfast, she had lunch but she was weaker by the hour. I made her a steak for dinner but she didn't eat it.
I had a few friends over to say goodbye to Jessica that night, the ones that knew her when she was a puppy. She was happy to sniff at everyone. I tried again with dinner but she wasn't interested. She spent the rest of the time sitting at all the places I usually sit and spend my time when I am at home. She knew her place but she also knew mine.

She started to cough violently at about 6.30pm so I rang the vet if I could bring her in that night. My friends and I brought her in. The vet put her to sleep, she went to sleep with me by her side saying: 'thank you Jess, I love you, until we meet again, goodnight my friend'.

22/05/10

Came home and Jess had her breakfast while I was at work. She happily had her steak and vegs. Tired, off to bed now. Have a good nite.
Give your dog a hug from Jessica and I xxxxx

21/05/10

I feel physically ill because Jessica didn't have her breakfast this morning. She always ate her breakfast, maybe she had a bad night. She slept alright though (she sleeps inside with me on her blanket). I can't believe she's 14 years this year, I bought her when she was just six months old. I grew up with male dogs and cats but Jess is my first 'bitch'. For 14 years she is everything to me. She's my therapist (I bought her after my first love ended), she's my personal trainner(she keeps me fit by walking me every where), she's my body guard (she's extremely protective of me, I feel very safe with her), she's my teacher (she teaches me how to be patient and that timming is the key to success), she's my child (she brings out the nurture instincts in me) but most of all she's my best friend (cliche, yes indeed but she is always there for me, especiially during the darkest period of my life). I hope she eats her dinner tonight, she can't say no to a steak. Her first appointment with the vet is on the 5th of June since she had the tumor removed. We will examine her very carefully to ensure that she is pain free. It is very importnat to me that she is pain free.
Give yor dog a big hug from Jess and I xxxxxx